Why does God want me in Russia now?

Why does God want me in Russia now?

Over ten years ago I woke up from a dream. In my dream I saw myself at an orphanage in Russia and working with children. The pictures in my dream were so vivid, the building, and tires on the property stuck out to me when I awoke. I remember waking from this dream and thinking, "Okay God, Russia?" I knew this dream was something from God, but I didn't know what it meant so I went on with my life.

I moved away from Hawaii and went to seminary in California. This dream never really came up again until after I graduated and we moved to Colorado. We started attending a church and one of our first Sunday's visiting there was a group of people who had just gotten back from Russia. They were sharing pictures of the orphanage they were at and stories of their travels. I sat in my chair covered with goose bumps. I had this feeling God was working somehow.

Almost five years have gone by since that Sunday, and I have not been to Russia. I wanted to go many times with the teams that were traveling, but each time, it was clear that it was not my time to travel.

This morning I shared this story with a friend of mine at church, and she asked me the question, "why does God want you to go to Russia now?" This question has been circling in my head all day. Why now? What does God want me to do, see, experience? It was very clear when I was praying about this trip that now is the time to go. After the initial meeting for information about the nature of this trip, every night for a week God spoke to me through very vivid dreams. I know He wants me to be in Russia at this time, but I don't know why. Why now of all the times?

I'm excited to travel, and I leave in one week from today. I don't know what to expect, but I do expect God to show up in some amazing ways. I pray that He is opening a door for me. A door to someplace He is leading me, and my family. An experience that will change me forever.

I want to see Russia through God's eyes.

So God, what do you want me to see? Why do you want me in Russia now?

The Hardest Thing About Writing

The hardest thing about writing is feeling like the words don't simply flow from my mind to ink and paper (or computer as it is these days). Some days I feel creative and other days not so much, but I like to believe that I'm filled with words that need to come out, words that are creative and important, words that move people in a way that music does for others.

I have always loved to write. I remember the first creative writing course I took in high school. My teacher encouraged me, inspired me, challenged the way I wrote. She pushed me to go beyond what I thought I could do to create in a way I didn't realize was possible. She managed to tap into that creative part of my sould. The deepest part that sometimes has a hard time expressing itself.

Over the years writing has become more challenging, and it feels less creative. I have often wondered if my life is not as inspiriting as it once was, or if the way I tapped into that creativity changed when light came into the dark places of my life. I know that in some of my darker moments in life, I have found my writing to be the most creative, but it is also the most dark, and sad. As God brought light into those dark places of my life I felt like my writing became too forced and frilly, it was no longer the raw, unfiltered stuff.

Over time I have come to say that I just don't have time to write like I use to, but the reality is that I'm afraid to write. Afraid that I'm no longer the creative person I once was. Afraid that my words are dry and that I have nothing to say. Afraid that my writing won't be as good as it once was. I have found many excuses to keep me from writing, to keep me from creating, and growing in my abilities.

No more excuses. The hardest thing about writing is myself. I need to get out of my own way, step aside, write, and allow my thoughts to flow without editing what comes out. I have been inspired to write again and encouraged as I have found writing challenges that inspire me and give me a diving board to spring from. Now I'm on the platform, stepping forward, and jumping in. Head first, eyes closed, fingers free to type.

If I Truly Played the Guitar...

If I truly played the guitar, I would feel on top of the world. I would sing as if no one was watching me, and allow my soul to dance free.

Although I might look awkward with a guitar half the size of my body, I would feel confident. I would be that person that I admire. The one who holds her guitar with confidence, and plays as if no one is watching. The girl who creates from the inner depths of her soul. The girl who explores through a world of music. The girl whose music taps into the souls of her listeners. The girl who plays because she feels moved in a way that can only be expressed through her music.

If I truly played the guitar, I would be so excited.

Until that day comes, I'll continue to tinker my tunes, and sing to myself. Because even though I'm not that girl who truly plays the guitar, I feel the passion of the music that excites my soul and makes me want to create a world of music. A world were I can be lost in the adventure of the tunes.

I Had Been Here Before

Source: "Tracks"

I had been here before, a long time ago. Wandering down a path that felt aimless. My bones ached. The pain reminded me of the rusty railways that had slowly overtime grown old, and no longer used. I continued walking down the path, searching for something familiar, something that could anchor me to this place, something that could tell me why I was walking down this path to begin with? Finally, I recognize the bend in the tracks. I raced to the turn thinking I knew what was around the corner, only to find that when I arrived I was still wandering down the tracks. What I thought was familiar was something new, something unknown. So here I am, facing the unknown before me, taking a deep breath, and continuing down the tracks. Maybe I’ll find a penny along the way.

Prompt - "Build Your Own" at The Daily Post